Dark Assassin: Trial Chambers

This game was single highhandedly the greatest piece of media to ever grace the face of the planet. We are blessed to be born at the same time of this absolute masterpiece. I wouldn't doubt if this game could cure a poor soul's cancer, save a marriage, or simply change somebody's life. The story was as compelling as the history of our universe, or the evolution of every living species on this floating space rock that we call "Home". The horrific suspense of the goblin army growing stronger level by level makes the impending doom of the in game universe so real and heavy. Each click, split second decision, and small mouse movement is not wasted in this high octane thrill of a video game. The combat in Dark Assassin: Trial Chambers is head and shoulders above every other game in it's genre by a clear margin. There is no other video game on the surface realm of this universe that comes close to giving the sheer euphoric joy of slicing a goblin or bandit in half. The absolute joy and yells of celebration of sniping those damned bandits on level 7 with a shurken will be a core memory to pass down to my eventual children and grandchildren. Having to survive against the terrifying floating eyes has genuinely shaken me down to my core. The heart wrenching twist, and complete mind boggle of an ending to this masterpiece is equivalent to the in depth foreshadowing of Attack on Titan and the hands down best ending in cinema history of Code Geass. The movement is seamless and easy, I can freely glide anywhere and everywhere without having any sort of trouble let alone getting caught on the smallest corners like popular triple A games like Dying Light 2 or Assassins Creed which are literally focused on the premise of "free movement". The exhilarating feeling I got when I found out that some of the bandits have a "precognition" feature of being able to shoot you though the wall or off screen made each successful level that much more euphoric. The bosses in Dark Assassin are equal to those of Maliketh the Black Blade, Malenia, Blade of Miquella, and the Promised Consort Radahn. The cold, unrelenting terror, and fear that I felt when I first encountered the first boss made me nearly piss my pants uncontrollably. Lastly, the unique 2D art style Dark Assassin has perfectly encapsulates the charm and mood of this gothic era thriller. No 3D visuals would've given the same terrifying feelings that this wonderful and beautifully constructed top down masterpiece. This "video game" is NOT for the simple, weak, and unprepared soul. Any casual gamer cannot even begin to conceive the simple thought of defeating The Goblin Lord with the adversity one needs to go through. Thank you for giving me the opportunity of playing what every game should be.

"Dark Assassin: Trial Chambers" is an incredibly badly made 2D top down shooter with a "goblin" theme... but seriously the art assets look like they took 5 minutes in MS-Paint to make. And the gameplay and presentation is on-par with that. I'm not sure if this was put on Steam as a joke, it's so bad. Sincere or not, one thing is for sure... this has no real value as a serious video game. What do you do in the game? You navigate through goblin-infested chambers and battle enemies in a fast-paced action sequence, aiming for high scores... except it's so bad, it's more of a challenge to see if you can stomach even launching the game. In terms of visuals, this features really godawful MS-Paint tier "art" instead of real graphics. It's hard to say if this was because the developer didn't have the skill to do the job of creating 3D visuals, or couldn't afford to hire someone who does, but it also doesn't matter. What matters is that this looks much worse than most other games because of that decision, and that's a major deterrent to gamers. The deplorably bad visuals here come across as an insult to gamers. This is "free" enough, at least you won't be expected to spend any more money after you download this, but just because something is free doesn't mean it's good. Despite having no up-front cost, this failed to appeal to the 120 million+ gamers on Steam. SteamDB showed the game peaked at only 3 concurrent players... this is a dismal public reception. This was so bad they couldn't even give it away. Bearing in mind that free games don't add +1 to your game collector count, should you bother adding this to your library and downloading it? Not this time. This isn't worth downloading. While this won't cost you any money, you get what you pay for, and sometimes, even when the game is free, it's still not enough. [b]Note: Joke reviews[/b] As usual, with some of the worst games on Steam, all the comedians come out of the woodwork. The vast majority of the reviews for this game are joke reviews, mocking the game for just how bad it is. The comedians give us the usual "this game cured my cancer, saved my marriage, changed my life" story... sarcastic, but not useful if you want to know if the game is worth it. Because most of the reviews are humorous but also insincere and not reflective of the actual quality of the product, the positive review score for this game should be taken with a grain of salt.

THE GOBLIN LORD SHALL NEVER WIN. KILL ALL THE GOBLINS AT ALL COSTS. I was slain trying to get to through the goblin lord chambers. I have been overrun. I need my fellow dark assassins to avenge me!