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My name is Red Angry Bird. I live at 308 Slingshot Lane, Random Beach, Bird Island, 12119. This is my confession.
If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead- murdered by my former brother-in-arms, Chuck Yellow. Chuck has been building an egg-cooking empire for over a year now, and using me as his chef. Shortly after my 5th birthday, he asked that I use my cullinary knowledge to cook eggs, which he would then sell using connections with Piggy Island that he had made through his career with the Bird Island Recon and Defense Squad.
I was… astounded. I, I always thought Chuck was a very moral bird. And I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. My wife was reeling from an eggbinding diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Chuck took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small egg operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed.
Chuck had a partner, a ship captain named Leonard Pig. Chuck sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Leonard threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Chuck and Leonard had a falling out. Things escalated. Leonard was able to arrange – uh, I guess… I guess you call it a "hit" – on Chuck, and failed, but Chuck was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over 177,000 Bird Coins.
Upon recovery, Chuck was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Chef Piggy, he plotted to kill Leonard. The comedically-timed spring-loaded boxing-glove-in-a-box that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened.
Chuck had risen to become the head of the Bird Island Recon and Defense Squad. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this.
[Red points to the bruise on his face left by Chuck in the Angry Birds Toons episode "Chuck Time".]
I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Chuck will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this bird for what he really is.
