Crush Crush

Despite being a dating sim, this game teaches some valuable life lessons:

1: Any girl will forgive you for anything you did if you just pester them repeatedly. No matter how much they hate you, they will bury the hatchet.
2: You can flip burgers, be a janitor, make video games, surf, protest, and go to school all at the same time.
3: Any girl will fall in love with you if you poke them in the face repeatedly.
4: Everything is expensive. Because of that, in order to get far in life, you must be Bill Gates.
5: You can change your own gender at the press of a button.
6: You can travel through realities. In doing so, all girls you've met will forget you existed and you must make them love you again, but they grow to love you even faster, proving this is the land of Sonic. You're too slow.
7: Sitting still and doing nothing will still make girls love you, even if you completely ignore them. All chicks love it when you play hard to get.
8: Your parents are very disappointed in you for playing this game.

10/10 would cheat on everyone again.

I can't believe that not only do I live in a world that's experiencing a global pandemic, but also that I'm a straight woman who's addicted to a borderline pornographic idle dating sim that references said pandemic and how to behave safely in it. I mean no offense, but I'm entirely shocked that the kind of people who would make a game like this seem like...good people. Thank you for using your powers for good. I mean, the Blanche phone fling? That info going straight to a population that probably needs to hear it? ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. And don't think I haven't noticed you being careful about using gendered terms. Might not be perfect, but I can tell you're trying. Truly you're good people. Also I hate that I love this game. Keep doing you, Sad Panda.


(ya'll are fools if you think I don't already know about the uncensored version. I have no issue with it existing; I'm just not interested.)

Pros:

* It's free
* It's funny & is fully aware of how ridiculous it is
* It's frequently updated
* Best, most accurate character creation ever.
* It makes you feel thoroughly exploited. Why is this a "pro"? Because you're dating a dozen girls at once. There's a moral to this story.

Cons:

* It's a clicker / idle game
* Since it's a clicker / idle game, you keep coming back for hours on end just trying to make things that take ages take less ages.
* Honestly you shouldn't play this. It's hard to escape. You could be playing other things! You could be doing something useful! You could have written your own game, or book, or symphony! But no, you come back and do the same thing you did the last 300 times but slightly quicker.... because it's so easy to do...
* You will never escape. Never. Unless you cheat and set your clock forward or hack some files. But... that's cheating...